May 17

How can I help my spouse understand our baby needs me?

Ask Marie?

We just had our first baby 6 months ago. My husband doesn’t want the baby to sleep in our bed. How can I help my spouse understand our baby needs me? 


Congratulations on your baby. The first baby brings so much joy, and at the same time it is a learning experience. Having giving birth to two children, I understand the initial fear of leaving them alone in a room by themselves. Let us not mention if they are colicky. A new baby is  beautiful and yet so fragile, I know there were times I felt afraid something would go wrong. There were times I woke up and check just to make sure my son was breathing. With hormones raging and being new at motherhood, it is understandable to have fear about leaving your child alone. And sometimes, mommy guilt is usual around the comer to even add an extra dose of confusion to the recipe. Mamma’s instincts is to protect but in your quest for  protection do not alienate your spouse.


The first thing that is to have awareness of your actions. Be aware that motherhood will bring challenges that will impact your marriage. Knowing that when you are afraid, new to motherhood, sleep deprived and hormonally charged, you need to communicate with your spouse, not push your spouse away.


Secondly, create a plan with your spouse that will create a win – win situation for both of you. For example, have the baby sleep in the room but in a bassinet. Or have the baby sleep in a nursery, with mom and dad taking shift.


The next thing to remember is you and your spouse created this beautiful baby, If you are fully consumed with your baby, your marriage will suffer. You need rest. You and your spouse will need to work on a date to move the baby out of the marital room.


Other factors to consider is when your baby in in your bed, you are not sleeping fully, which mean you are not getting the rest you need to be the mom you really want to be. Allow your spouse to be a daddy and have daddy duties and daddy bonding time. Also consider, SIDS. 



Photo Courtesy of Kdshutterman under Freedigitalphotos.net




Talk to your spouse about your concern. Create a plan together that will benefit both of you individually and as a couple.


Your children are a gift from God. They are precious and priceless.  However, one day, your children will leave the nest to make their own path. You don’t want to be a lonely married empty nester because your spouse have become your roommate. You and your spouse are parents, but you were a unit first. Don’t use parenting to sacrifice your marriage. You can be a great couple and great parent. Besides, your children will thank you for a marriage they can emulate. Remember, love your spouse and lobe your children.



Take Action


Marriage Tip – The bedroom is your marriage sanctuary. Remove one item or eliminate a behavior that is affecting your bedroom negatively. Bring one item or start a new behavior that will impact your bedroom positively.



Today’s Marriage Resource 



Question: What are some parenting challenges that you are facing right now? How can you and your spouse create a parenting plan to address these challenges?


Thank you for reading