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May 15

3 Reasons Your Marriage Needs the “Boundary Talk”

Monday Marriage Motivation

The word boundary is really not a curse word. In fact, it is a very freeing word. It allows each spouse to know how to freely love each other. It defines what is and what is not permissible in a marriage. You would think that every couple in America would have the boundary talk before they walk down the aisle. In fact, the opposite is happening. Couples are staying away from discussing boundary for their union. And, THAT IS A BIG MISTAKE.

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Photo Courtesy of Phanlop88 under freedigitalphotos.net

Love is powerful. Each spouse has every good intentions to have a great marriage until he is face with temptations. Or a wife found herself talking longer day after day with a friendly co-worker.  Boundary is not use to control your spouse, but it governs how two people set a successful marriage before it starts.

Here are 3 Reasons  Your Marriage Needs “The Boundary Talk”

It creates an environment of honesty and openness – For instance if you have talk to your spouse  about how going to strip club as a boundary issues. Your spouse know what you are thinking. Your views on strip club is known fact. You are not controlling your spouse, but he knows that a visit to the strip club would put his marriage in hot water.When he is faced with a decision like this, he knows what is permissible and what is not permissible in the marriage. A simple conversation about respecting the marriage would avoid comment like ” I didn’t sleep with her, I was just with the guys at the strip club.

It creates intimacy – There is nothing more vulnerable and growth directed  for a marriage then letting your spouse know your thoughts. Many couples avoid discussing boundaries because there is an assumptions that once you are married, you are supposed to be faithful. However, boundaries open the door to communicate about issues beyond fidelity scope. Couples that really dig deep to talk about boundary have clear understanding about  texting, flirting, hanging out, talking, etc with the opposites sex.

It fosters communication in other areas – Finances, parenting, child rearing  in-laws are areas that can create chaos when two individuals are not on the same page. You thinking that he should pay his debts and he is thinking that we are one my money is your money. You against spanking and he was raised with the motto- do not spare the rod. You are thinking your in laws should call before visiting,  she is thinking mom should move in when we have kids. The above cases might seem too far fetch to be real, but these are the kind of issues that lack of boundary bring out of a marriage with no boundary.

So, before you walk down the aisle, take the guesswork out of your marriage. Have boundary conversations about finances, fidelity, in-laws, spirituality, etc. You cannot  expect, hope and  wish that your spouse will just know what you are thinking. You might have expectations and he might just have a whole different set of expectations. You can be holding hands,  but have no clue what is going on in your spouse’s head. Since marriage vows do not activate automatic ESP, have the boundary talk and set your marriage for success.

 

 

Take Action 

Marriage Tip – Discuss an area in your relationship that need clearer boundary.

Today’s Marriage Resource 

Questions –  What is one boundary issue you have delayed addressing with your spouse? How would your relationship with your significant other improve by having clear boundary in that area?

 

Thank you for reading