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Aug 15

What Will Your Kid Say About Your Marriage?

Your kid will tell a story about your marriage. What will be your story? Your know children are like sponges; they soak up everything that they see and hear. My son will turn 2 years old next month and it is so funny to see him imitating me and my husband. If we hug, he wants a hug too. He usually run to us and say in his toddler one or two words sentence “hug or want hug” while raising his hands in the air. We usually proceed by picking him up or coming down to his level to get the most loving hug you can imagine.

In the same manner we model love, we are aware that he is watching us. I’m not saying he will be a robot because he will probably listen to different music or have different hobbies than we do. We know we will make mistake and we hope he will learn from them. However, one thing I know for sure, there are core values and beliefs we live by and we want to instill in him. Especially the way we treat each other.

There are adults who choose not to get married because of the marital destruction they witnessed as a child. If you take a moment and think, you might know one or two friends who lived a childhood of relationship chaos and would not dare try it. Sure, once you are an adult, it is your responsibility to heal those past wounds and move on. But at times, it is easier said than done. 

Jannoon028 FDPPhoto Courtesy of Jannoon028

During a recent conversation I had with a girlfriend, she informed me that she is ending her relationship because she did not want her daughter to think that emotional abuse was normal. The situation saddened me because I knew staying in the relationship without a change will hurt the child and leaving the relationship will hurt the child. All parties in this relationship are suffering and will continue to do so until the story is change.

In the above story, you have a dad who loves his daughter and work hard to provide for his family, but he is totally blind about the consequences his behaviors will have on his daughter. This is a man who would be furious if a guy addresses his daughter in the same manner he addresses his partner. He wants only the best for his princess. Yet, he put a veil of denial over his eyes about how his actions hurting his princess.

Don’t be naïve. Your words and actions are powerful. You can say don’t yell at your mother all the day long, but if you are yelling at your wife, why would your child behave differently? Sure, you tell your daughter not to talk her father in that tone, but you were just talking to your husband in the living room the same way. What the difference? You an adult and they are children?

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Well, there is no difference. If you honor your spouse, your children are more likely to do so. And the scary thing is you might be modeling the type spouse they will look for. Convey respect, they will do so. Convey emotional abuse, they will need to fight it intentionally not to repeat the same story.

Imagine your child is telling your marriage story, what will be your story? Are you confident, you are modeling the character of the spouse they should be looking for?


Question: What is one thing that you are modeling or want to model in your marriage for your children?

 

Thank you for reading

 

  • http://www.threedimensionalvitality.com/ Ann Musico

    Very, very true Marie. When we were first married my husband would always thank me for the meal I prepared and tell me how good it was. When we began having our children, he continued to do that and they began doing it as well. Even as little toddlers they would say thank you mommy. As adults they still do it!! When my boys are visiting and finish a meal they will always come and give me a kiss and say thank you mom it was delicious. A very small, simple gesture their father modeled and they just naturally absorbed it! And they don’t just do this with me-I’ve had my sister-in-laws say how nice it was that they thanked them for the meal. They are always watching and they will do what we do much more quickly than what we say!

  • http://portofpeacecounseling.com/ Marie Mertilus

    What a wonderful practice to teach. I applaud your husband.Agree with you completely – They are always watching and they will do what we do much more quickly than what we say!