May 19

Lessons from Love Busters


Read to Feed Your Marriage allows you to read a great marriage book by a world renowned marriage expert and you get a licensed counselor to give you weekly tips and challenges to transform your marriage from average to amazing.  Join us from March 17th to May 26th as we read Love Busters: Overcoming the Habits that Destroy Romantic Love by Willard F. Harley, Jr.


Chapter 10 – Resolving Conflicts over Children


When Two Become Three or More


There is nothing more exciting than the arrival of a child. It is the ultimate culmination of love. Two individuals became one in flesh and in love to create a new life. Although this is one of the most amazing experiences on earth, it is also one of the main reasons for conflicts in marriage.

Now, children are blessings. However, in many marriages conflicts increase after the arrival of a child due to the way spouses interact with each other and the child. The same phenomenon occurs in blended family.

Listed below are some of issues that surface after the arrival of a child:

    –         Neglecting the marriage

    –         Discipline disagreements between spouses

    –         Allowing motherhood to be the primary role

    –         Allowing the child to manipulate both parents

    –         In blended family, allowing the child to manipulate both households

   –         Valuing the child relationship more than the spousal relationship

   –         Inconsistency in parenting style


The best gift you can give your children is a great marriage. As a new mother, I saw the importance of placing my marriage first. I realize that my son will leave the nest. By investing in my marriage, I am setting my son to have a great life. Parenting together is a chance to activate many life skills. Talking about discipline with my husband leads to teamwork, communication, conflict resolution and much more.  Although, I know putting my marriage first, I had to be intentional about bringing this practice to life.

It is not easy, but by placing your marriage first your children will enjoy the following benefits

   –         Learn healthy problem solving techniques

   –         Learn healthy communication patterns and skills

   –         Learn conflict resolutions

   –         Experience a healthy marriage

   –         Learn teamwork

   –         Learn to prioritize primary relation

   –         Learn consistency

   –         Learn self discipline

      ParentingPhoto Courtesy of PsJeremy under Flickr Creative Commons

In order to parents together a couple must apply 3 steps

Discuss and formulate parenting approach – This is one of the most important steps in parenting as a couple. Couples get a chance to really evaluate parenting background and beliefs. Couples must work together to create a parenting plan that both spouses agree to.

Implement parenting approach – Many couples fail at parenting due to lack of implementation on a consistent basis. In order for children to really benefit from parenting, parenting approach must be implemented consistently. Whether it is disciplining, training, encouraging, if there is no consistently the child’s behavior will be a problem for the marriage.

Support and encourage each other in spousal and parenting role – Many spouses struggle to put the marriage first. Since marriage requires a teamwork effort, both spouses need to encourage each other to be the best husband or wife that they can be. Be intentional about telling your spouse that he or she is doing a great job in specific areas. Give compliments and praises for the small and expected task completion. Telling your spouse thank you for a cook meal might be a great way to end a stressful day.

Children do not come with handbook.  When temper tantrums, nap issues, discipline resistance get in the way, it is easy to be insecure about parenting. Consequently, applaud your spouse for being consistent with the children. Let your spouse know how well they are doing as a dad or mother. Give each other day to relax and recharge in order to be the best parent your can be.

Work with your spouse to be the best parents you can be. The way you parent will help your children be either functional or dysfunctional adult. Set  your children for success and save your marriage.

Challenge of the Week – Parenting issues do not have to lead to marriage conflicts. Your children will push your buttons, gain control by parenting with love and together.  This week strive to parent with your spouse.

Talk to your and discuss your parenting plan. Answer the following question:

Are we on the same page when parenting?

How can we keep improving our parenting?

How can I encourage you as a parent?


Thank you for reading