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Dec 20

What Can You Learn from A Child?

Children have a funny way of teaching life lessons unexpectedly. I knew motherhood would teach me patience on a new level, but the marriage lessons I have been getting from my son have been priceless.

My last class started when my son ran to my husband to escape bath time.  The issue was not the escape, but it was all about the way my husband welcomed him with open arms. Needless to say play time was reinitiated. You see where this is going. Tired wife chasing cute toddler son, getting frustrated at great husband for initiating play time during bath time.

Tiredness, frustration,  not getting support right now, I will be the mean mommy who stopped play time, night routine is being interrupted – all are thoughts that ran through my mind. Well I took the thoughts captive and paid careful attention to a small fire starter – called my tongue.

Here are 6 lessons I learned from my son for my marriage:

   1.     Communicate, Communicate, and Communicate – Looking back, I was tired before bath time. Communicating with my husband about my tiredness would have helped tremendously.

   2.     Get on the same page and work to stay on the same page – After talking to my husband about the importance of bath time, we got back on the same page. We will be working to stay on the same page. We won’t get it right all the time, but we will keep trying.

         Team

   3.     Seek help – Ask your spouse for help. Wives, if you need help, ask for help. Parenting is not about perfection, it is about excellence.  Which mean you will make mistakes and you will grow. Those experiences will strengthen your bond as parents and your marriage will be strengthened. Husbands ask for help. Your wife needs to see that part of you, not Mister Fix It. Be each other support and know to get help from each other and from other individuals

  4.     Set boundaries for the little angel/s – I can say I am getting better at this day by day. Setting appropriate boundaries with our son gave our marriage a breath of fresh air. I can tell you some of the boundaries we established form the start give us our bedroom, time alone with each other and much more. Set boundaries with your children and your marriage will flourish. Set the boundaries early. A good parenting foundation will help your marriage succeed.

   5.     Know your spouse is not the enemy – Tiredness, work stress, self-recrimination, the never ending to do list, satan, etc. are your enemies. Not your spouse. Instead of getting mad at your spouse, recognize the real enemy and deal with it.

   6.     Be an expert – My definition of expert is lifetime learner (learn and apply). Read books on marriage and parenting, ask parenting tips from parents you admire, discuss and keep reviewing your parenting expectations and rules with your spouse and your children. Get with another couple for help. As a marriage counselor, I do this myself and I recommend this. That’s all I will  say about this.

Face it, parenting is a life time stewardship. At 14 months old or at 41 years old, parenting will affect your marriage if you are not on the same page with your spouse. Be a team, set your marriage and children for success.

Question/s: My little angel is 14 months old, so my lessons are just getting started. What are some parenting tips you are using, or you have used that are beneficial for your marriage?

Thank you for reading.

  • We Want More

    Love this post, I can absolutely relate! One of the things I have learned is acceptance of my spouse. When I see my husband reflected in one of our sons (a habit, a gesture, etc.) it makes me realize the profound impact of nature and that so much of what we do is hard-wired, not learned. This gives me a renewed sense of empathy and patience…

  • http://portofpeacecounseling.com/ Marie Mertilus

    Acceptance of our spouses is so needed.I love that you mention the patience. I am learning patience daily.

  • Rey Brown

    This sounds exactly like my wife and I with our 3 yr old daughter. Its crazy how fast a child can reveal how strong your marriage is. I tend to be the lenient parent and my wife is the strict one; our daughter recognizes that and uses it against us. Needless to say, we are learning as we go. Great post.

  • http://portofpeacecounseling.com/ Marie Mertilus

    Rey. Your daughter and my son are smart. They know exactly what tactics
    to use to get what they want. We will keep learning to have great
    marriages and work as a team with our spouses. Kudos on recognizing how
    parenting can test the strength on your marriage. Awareness and action
    are needed to protect the marriage bond.

  • http://www.threedimensionalvitality.com/ Ann Musico

    “At
    14 months old or at 41 years old, parenting will affect your marriage
    if you are not on the same page with your spouse. Be a team, set your
    marriage and children for success.” Wow – I love that and having
    children ranging in age from 29 to 22 I can confirm this is absolutely
    true! Once you are a parent you are always a parent. I have said many
    times I feel like I’ve learned more from my children than vice versa!
    They have been amazing teachers for me. The most important thing for me
    as a mom is keeping my husband the priority. When you have 3 little ones
    and all that goes with that – even something as small as stopping
    whatever you are doing when your husband gets home after work to greet
    him and spend a few minutes reconnecting will teach your children
    volumes about how to set priorities in marriage. It doesn’t sound like
    much – but my children got to the point where even if I was mid-sentence
    helping them with homework they would hear his car coming down the
    driveway and say – Daddy’s home – we can continue this after you go see
    him. And I have heard from a few of my husband’s friends at work that
    he “brags” about things like this so I know it blesses him.

  • http://portofpeacecounseling.com/ Marie Mertilus

    Ann. I love the way you reconnect with your husband. What a great
    example for the children. It is so necessary to know that our mates are
    priority. At the end, the children will leave and if the marriage was
    not first, there will be only two roommates standing. Thank you so much.
    Great tip.

  • http://www.threedimensionalvitality.com/ Ann Musico

    So true Marie!